everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
