If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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