Got a toothbrush?
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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