I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
