You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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