Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
