im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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