careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
