it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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