By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
