Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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