he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
