I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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