if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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