Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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