imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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