Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
