Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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