I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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