I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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