I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
