Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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