Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
