My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
