I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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