No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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