Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
