there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
