So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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