i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
