I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
