6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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