Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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