It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize