weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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