I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
