every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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