if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
