no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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