I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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