I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
