Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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