she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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