Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
