someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
