I cockslap morals
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
