Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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