He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
