you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize