how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
