NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
