this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
