I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
