I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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