If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
