jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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