All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so that wasnt chicken after all
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
