Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
