I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
