Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
