how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
