she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
