Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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