I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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