I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
