New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
