It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Randomize
