I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
