in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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