Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
