so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
