Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
