Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
