I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
