I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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