After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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