I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
