I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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