did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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