just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
