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Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I color on your dick again?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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