after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
