Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
