You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
