If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
