All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
