I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
