we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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