dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
