I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
