yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nutella sex= disaster
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize