look no pants
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can tuck mytits in my pants
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
